How to piss off your dumpy frog

1. Wake up frog in the middle of the afternoon to clean his cage.

Would someone please tell the crazy woman I’m nocturnal?

2. Plop frog on your shoulder to hang while said cleaning occurs. Squeal like a piglet when frog aggressively pees (even though said pee* is inevitable) and scare the frog.

3. Grumble when frog crawls onto the nape of your neck and feel his sticky little froggy feet get tangled in your hair.

4. Place frog back into newly cleaned cage. Toss in a few crickets.

5. Idly wonder if frog might enjoy a meal worm.

6. Decide this is an excellent idea. A wormy treat!

7. Find an old pair of tweezers, gently retrieve mealworm.

8. Dangle mealworm in front of frogs face.

9. Gently tap frog on the nose with mealworm.

10. Maybe say, “Here comes the airplane!” in a sing-song baby voice and tap frog on the nose with the mealworm again.

11. Gasp and quickly withdraw tweezers as frog grabs obnoxious mealworm, spits it out, stomps on it, and glares angrily.

(YES REALLY)

(The slimy little ingrate.)

12. Remove offending mealworm and give it to the dragon. At least she appreciates variety in her diet.

Mealworms are tasty. Thanks, mom!

* We’re not talking a dribble of pee. That stuff shoots out at an alarming rate of speed that could probably put somebody’s eye out.

Photo credits: the ever amazing Elaina. These were taken during her shoot for XC’s third birthday.

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