It’s good thing, about damn time, really. It’s been suppressed for 20+ years and on Thursday -*BAM*- there it was!
I didn’t know what to do with it so I just let it simmer. I let the thoughts and memories wash over me. I embraced it. I’ve spent two-thirds of my life pushing it away, not even realizing it was there.
Pretty sure that’s not healthy.
I thought about the events of my life that shaped me, especially the ones that hurt and broke me. The half-assed attempts to be emotionally well. My own fixation on appearance, perfection, expectations and the way those ideas were driven into my head with Guilt and Fear as the primary messengers.
I don’t really know where to go with all this (beyond therapy) or how to release it, but I’m working on it. For the first time ever I feel like there’s hope that I can live normally in my own head.
It’s exciting. This anger is good. It’s time.